Closed Eyes and Red Wine
by Caris11
Summary: Lena while hazed with wine faces the reality in front of her
1. Chapter 1

Hello, fanfiction world I am leaping out of the closet after reading so any works for so long I finally have the courage to share my own. I can only hope that my ideas are up to your standards and enjoyment. On a very important side note please teach me grammar! This dyslexic chick did not go to school for anything related to literature. Constructive criticism will always be given a welcoming-backrubbing-hug.

She slowly releases the glass from her lips sulking in the Argentina blend that was slowly staining her lips red. The sound of chatting and laughter fills the room. 'So, this is what friendship looks like, feels like?' she questions in her mind. It is hard for her to believe that it is real, that something or someone could fill the room with warmth and love. Taking another sip from the rim already covered from her lipstick, she realizes that just as a room can be filled with warmth and love, it can just as easy be depleted to an arctic isolation. Tilting up the glass further forcing the rest of the contents down her throat she closes her eyes hoping that when she opens them the reality faced in front of her is true.

Eyes still closed she sets the depleted glass down on the table in front of her. Gripping the sides of the table as she can hear the sounds of happiness fill her ears. 'Deep breathes, Lena' she says to herself, 'It's real, you can face it'. Another burst of laughter fills her ears, 'you have to open them' she tells herself, she has to confront what's in front of her. Listening to her former thoughts she takes a deep breath and opens her eyes. Immediately her eyes flick across the room, only seconds later to stare at the vocal point of the sound filling her world.

Except it is not part of her world, nor part of her reality. The image changes scenes as the characters surround each other in a coffee shop. One makes a witty but heart filled joke at another, while another gives a supportive suggestion to fix their problem. Without even realizing it she is pouring herself another glass. Eyes still glued to the fiction show on her screen that is deemed to be her fantasy.

A newly filled glass means old thoughts, and rising doubts in her mind. Forcefully reaching for the remote she sets the screen to the feeling of her soul. With the room completely silent her thoughts scream at her, 'worthless, bitch, follower, unlovable, undeserving, alone'. As the tears stream from a breaking grasp, and a shaking hand curves to her mouth the spiral of liquid is the only restraint holding the gut retching sobs that so desperately seek freedom from her throat.

As the alcohol and her thoughts consume her a sharp but tiny ring fills her ears, hesitantly she reaches for the object that created the noise. A bright light fills the shadows of her face when she reads:

Kara Danvers: Hi brunch tomorrow?


	2. Chapter 2

As requested I will be continuing! Thank you to all those who have not only read but showed your support for this story. I hope this second chapter is to your standards and enjoyment. Constructive criticism will always be given a welcoming-backrubbing-hug.

Piercing green eyes stare at the illuminating light displaying the single message of hope. That hope dies just as quickly as the background light setting on her phone. 'Ironic' she thinks, that the moment she sees light darkness arrives. Taking the bottle and tilting it to get the very last drop she thinks, 'When will the light fully corrupt the dark?'. Placing the empty bottle harshly down on the table her eyes linger around the suddenly swaying room. She lays her head back on the couch breathing in deep cold breaths that she wouldn't comment on if she wasn't intoxicated. No, her intoxicated thoughts ran much deeper.

Still grasping her phone, she hit the home key praying that what she saw moments ago was not a delusional drunken haze. The light shown was bright but was not as illuminating as the single message she had on her phone.

The darkness was still spinning, everything around her was and always had been but for once there was an unexplainable bright color that shined through it all. Taking another deep breath, she soberly decided she should not sleep another night on her expensive couch.

Double clicking the home button, she flicks her screen to hit the flashlight key. Tightly grasping her phone and unknowingly hitting random keys she lifts herself from the side of the couch. After taking a second she finally stands to retreat into the lonely and cold but soft mattress of her bed. 'Shit' she says while taking a few steps swaying as she continues into the light shone ahead. 'Hmm so alone' she whispers then deeply chuckles 'if only Kara were here' she says out loud to the light hoping to bring her not only mental but physical confront to her bed. 'Shit' she basically shouts as her hip hits the side of her desk. Once again tears start streaming down her face and it is not because of the pain from the desk. Finally reaching her bed she throws herself face down into her pillow succumbing to cries deep in her chest. It is only in this moment when not concentrating on the swaying movements and thoughts she hears a voice. 'What?' She hiccups for once it was not a voice inside her head.

"Lena! Are you there? Are you okay?"

Realizing the voice is coming from the light on her phone, she shines it in her face to see that her screen does not display her background of the L-Corp logo but rather the call page. The voice continues to speak and she's too drunk to read the name. She brings the phone to hear ear, 'Who is this?' the CEO scorn she tried to attempt failing.

'Lena, don't worry I'm on my way' was all she heard as the phone call ended.


	3. Chapter 3

Welcome back! I will try to update as often as the light bulb above my head brightens. If anyone has any suggestions I would love you hear from you. On a side note, the writing style has changed slightly due character conversations not just inner thoughts. Chapters will also be longer. Constructive criticism will always be given a welcoming-backrubbing-hug.

"I'm on my way" is all that passes through her ears. "Who, what?" she speaks out loud as she turns the phone to her face with one eye open hoping to read the letters beyond the spins.

KARA DANVERS-CATCO

She reads and her heart stops. No, no she can't have such purity see darkness. Kara can't see her darkness, she can't see her weakness. Options of what to do, sober her mind. 'Okay just let security know no one is allowed' she says to herself as she stumbles to the pad on the wall across her bed. As she reaches it a bing sound fills her ears and the messages fills the one swaying eye "Kara Danvers Approved" showcasing the key Lena gave Kara weeks ago.

'Shit, How the fuck did she make it here so fast?' her thoughts roam. The world continues to spin not only drunkenly outside, but in her head. 'Kara can't see me like this' she thinks as she stumbles to the bathroom and slams the door hearing her name echo beyond the wooden door.

"Lena?" She hears Kara call. 'Maybe if I am silent she'll go away' she assures herself as she slides down the door to floor arms curled around her knees, 'just stay silent, and she'll leave' she tries to convince herself as the tears start slowly flowing again.

"Lee? What's going on, are you okay?" Kara calls her voice so close Lena knows that only a single door keeps them separated.

She can't stay silent now, and deep down she knew that Kara would never leave.

"I'm fine, please leave" please, please leave her thoughts echo.

"I told you I would always be there for you" Kara quickly and gently assures her, "Please let me in. Let me help you."

"You shouldn't be here" Lena stutters, "you _can't_ be here" putting more emphasis on the slurring words.

"Why? Lee"

Deep breathes heave as she tries to control her tears, and stop her falling thoughts. "I'm a Luthor" is all she mutters. It will surely send her away, as it does for everyone else. Before Kara can even respond Lena continues, "Luthors hurt and take away all that is good and bright. I see it Kara" the sobs continue as she unwraps her hands from her calves to place them on the cold hard tiles of the bathroom floor pushing her head to her knees in the process. "I see it and I can't forgive myself" she concludes.

"Forgive yourself for what?" Kara hesitantly asks. All she wants to do is use her super strength to open the door and hold Lena tight assuring her that she is not alone. But she is here as Kara and not Supergirl and she knows the last thing Lena needs is to be reminded of the former history between a Luthor and a Super.

Kara hears a self-deprecating chuckle on the other side of the door. "You don't even know it" Lena spurs shaking her head forcing the tears to fall faster from her face, "You don't see I dimmed your light, I dimmed you Kara."

"What are you talking about Lee? You've never hurt me, you're my best friend" Kara responds with a whole-hearted conviction.

The sobs get louder as Lena she speaks the thoughts that has crossed the darkest parts of her mind. A part of her mind she never thought she would share out loud, but the voices inside are rising and she can't handle it anymore she has to let Kara know. She has to show Kara only pain will come out of their friendship so she speaks the reality of her own doing. "I see how there is less brightness in your eyes. I see how your smile doesn't fill up your cheeks. I see how that is all my fault, because I am the one who sent him away. I am the one that hurt you, I…" she tries to finish, she needs to finish but the pain in her chest is too much, and she can feel the alcohol unsettling in her stomach as she grasps for air.

She hears Kara before she can say another word, "Lee what happened was not your fault and..."

Just as Kara interrupted her, Lena catching her breathe to continue, "without me you would be happy. I hurt you, I dimmed you. I hurt everything I touch. I don't want to ruin you, let me destroy myself" Every somber thought that has ever glanced her mind spills out like word vomit. It's almost like she forgets that Kara is real on the other side of the door.

"You're scaring me, you make me happy" Kara conveys, as her own thoughts are frantic between what Lena just revealed and getting through the door.

"Go be the light, leave me to the darkness" Lena pushes barely a hoarse whisper, as her word vomit turns to real as she flees crawling to the toilet.

Kara stands right hand pressed on the door and in complete shock at what Lena has implied. 'Leave her to the darkness? What does that mean? How could someone who saved the world multiple times think the world would be better without her?' Kara's thoughts are quickly hushed with she hears movement and the sound of sickness echoing the walls. Grabbing the door handle she twists the handle, thanking Rao that Lena didn't lock it. She pushes the door slightly forward a few inches, not enough to startle Lena but just enough to see her figure hunched over and hugging the toilet. Quickly, maybe too quickly she is at Lena side with a hand on her shoulder and back ushering words of reissuance. Kara for once is a tiny bit thankful for all those times she has helped Alex in a similar intoxicated state. It puts her into a familiar routine and for the first time the entire night she knows what to do to make Lena feel better.

Still at her side she is able to reach the glass next to the sink, fill it with water and bring it to the wine stained lips as Lena is taking a breather from spewing. She hears Lena hum a sign of thanks as she falls into Kara's embrace. That moment is quickly gone as Lena is back heaving over the water bowl.

Hand still on Lena's back she pushes her hair into a bundle, while using her X-Ray vision looking into the various drawers looking for a hair elastic. Kara huffs as her search only reveals way too many tubs of lip stick and no hair elastics. 'Her hair is always in some tight bun or up-do how can she not have hair elastics!' her thoughts displaying a humorous chuckle. Finally, after another search she gives in and takes her own hair elastic out of her hair letting the blonde locks fall to her shoulders as she ties it into Lena's.

After what seems like an hour Lena is sure that all the wine previously consumed is no longer in her body. This is when she finally realizes that Kara is at her side, no _has_ been at her side this whole time. She finishes the glass of water tilted to her lips and Kara then helps her up, her body cold from the loss of contact. Kara still holding on to Lena at the hip she hears her say they should get her bed. Lena's only respond is another approving hum as her throats hurt from its latest actions and she is just too tired to say anything else. It is only when Lena takes a good look at Kara she gains back her voice.

"I've never seen you with your hair down" she questions and thinks that is rather pretty and she should wear it down more often.

Kara responds with a nervous chuckle that is missed by Lena following with, "I can say the same to you"

"No, nope that's not true, it was on the first day we met" Lena proudly remembers, this being the first time she has shown a smile in her drunken haze.

Kara pauses, as if trying to remember if that were true and before she can respond Lena's smile is gone and her green and slightly red puffed eyes are intensely staring into her own.

"Why are you here, you shouldn't be here." She may still be slurring but her eyes show that her words where statements rather than questions.

Kara simply responds the same answer she gave earlier, "I told you I would always be there for you." She pulls Lena closer as they make their way around the edge of the bed.

Lena goes to replies but is quickly shushed "Lee"

"But..."

"Lee" Kara says reassuringly as she begins to pull back the covers.

A brief moment of silent is followed by a chuckle, "I love my nickname" Lena says but is then showing a surprising pout and continues "but you don't have one… Car? No that's not right. Kara why don't you have a nickname?" Lena questions softly.

"It's okay, Lee but you should get some sleep" as she tucks her into bed and goes to leave "I'll be on the couch okay?"

Lena grabs her wrist as if her life depends on it, "please stay" Lena whispers through tears that have begun to appear again.

"Of course," Kara responds getting into the other side of the bed.

Lena turns to look at Kara and again grabs her hand and whispers "thank you" closing her eyes and releasing a deep breath that Kara knows is the women next to her finally taking a break from her nightmarish thoughts.

Moments pass and their hands are still intertwined when Kara hears a slight giggle. A moment of silence passes when she hears it again. "Lena?" she questions. Opening her eyes to look into the green ones still slightly drunk staring back at her.

"I thought of a nickname" Lena chuckles as she pulls herself to snuggle in closer to Kara.

"Darling" she purrs as she falls asleep in her hero's arms.

The next day the hero wakes up alone.


End file.
